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More unexpected cash and mom issues

November 22nd, 2011 at 07:16 pm

My mom gave me $110 for my student loans this month. She recently got laid off and hasn't been able to contribute anything for a while. Apparently, I gave her this $110 a while ago and she can't remember for what (and neither can I) so she just gave it back.

She knows how I'm trying to pay down my CC debt so this is her way of trying to help. I'll take it!

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I made the final payment on my US Bank card so that's completely gone! Yay! I paid all of the Citicard off except for the rest of my work reimbursements. My plan is to go into the office tomorrow morning to pick up my work check, deposit it at the bank and stop by the post office (maybe go couponing as well).
Once the check clears, I'll pay the rest of Citi before the next statement to avoid interest(Dec 7).

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So, I worry a lot about my mom. She has absolutely no savings and no retirement account to speak of (aside from Social Security which she thinks is enough). She got laid off at 53 but has little prospects for a job. She has very little skill - she was a cook/cleaner for a church. She does odd little things like errands for people, babysitting, and is a care taker for my neighbor next door. I think she probably nets $800 a month which is better than nothing but it's so stressful on her. Luckily, she owns the house and her car free and clear (she'll need a new car soon) so her expenses aren't huge on a month-to-month basis but she has no EF which terrifies me.

She is not handling being laid off well. Her attitude stinks and when I call her, she doesn't want to talk or just complains. Then she complains that I don't call her or see her enough. It's really frustrating. I'm trying to be sympathetic and the best listener I can be. I think it's hard on her because she's alone, too. My brother lives at home but he's not good for chatting like I am.

On top of that, her spending habits drive me nuts. Her idea of quality time is going out to eat. That's all she ever wants to do and it's never to cheap places like a sandwich shop or burrito place, it's always a casual dining restaurant at least. She spends $40, $50 bucks a pop probably 2-3 times a week. I just don't see how she can afford that lifestyle since she's out of work. She gets mad at me that I won't pay since I "have the money and a job." But I hate saying no because that's her idea of "quality time." So often, I don't say no but don't offer to pay for her meal and then she just pays for the whole thing. It's frustrating because I do have more money than she does but I don't choose to spend my money that way anymore.

So all of that to say: I invited her over on Sunday for a homemade turkey dinner (since I'll be at my boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving). I hope we can start a trend of eating in. I hope that will be the quality time she craves. I told her all about my freezer cooking escapades so I hope she starts cooking more stuff, too (she never cooks!).

4 Responses to “More unexpected cash and mom issues”

  1. Amber Says:

    Yay for paying that CC off. I'm guilty when I was laid off, it was tough, I did have an EF but all I wanted to do was shop and eat out as well. Unfortunately, it was a negative way to handle the lay off. I think it's a great idea to start a trend to spend time at home, I'm sure with time and your encouragement she'll come around.

  2. dmontngrey Says:

    Are you ME?! Sorry, I don't agree that your mom will come around. I held out hope for my own mom for so long. Now I realize she never will learn to deal with money. She refuses to! I'm guessing since your mom doesn't have an EF that this was a problem long before she got laid off? My mom is "temporarily" out of work right now due to hurricane Irene. I wrote a blog post about it if you're interested in hearing what I go through with my own mother. I try to get my mom to understand the problems she's facing and I just get screamed at. Seriously. It's so frustrating and very difficult to see your own mother go through this. Sorry you are dealing with this. Frown

  3. scrappytappy Says:

    dmontngrey: I think your post is what inspired me to write mine! I saw the bad habits that my mom was in when I was a kid, recognized them and then went and made the same mistakes myself!! I have learned from them at a pretty early age and am working to fix them but my mom has made the same mistakes over and over and over again. The saddest thing to me is that she hardly ever charges things that will be of any benefit to her in the long run. She never hardly ever buys anything for herself or the house. She mostly charges eating out - it drives me INSANE. I remember saying when I was a kid that we could go buy stuff at the store and make 4 meals instead of one at a restaurant. I guess it's her way of treating herself. Her mentality is that she'll pay it off later (something I inherited from her a long time ago).

    She has two credit cards at about $6,000 total and she pays them on time but only the minimum payments. I told her how I did balance transfers to get my debt at no interest so she wants me to help her do that but that's as far as I'll go in terms of helping her out. Aside from the credit cards, she uses cash for everything; no checking account to speak of which is probably a good thing for me. But it also means no savings, no retirement, no anything for her future.

  4. dmontngrey Says:

    Oh boy... I don't think my mom even has the mentality that she'll pay it off later! She has this weird entitlement issue and seems to think everything will magically get paid off. She has been approved for a couple cards over the years and they both were charged off. She never made an attempt to pay them. I got her credit built back up to "reasonable" and she reapplied for a store card that was charged off. The idiots gave it to her! I blame the banks at this point.

    I grew up thinking my mom didn't make enough money to get by. Then I learned she just wants to spend whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She makes plenty of money to pay her bills, save a little, spend a little. She just CHOOSES not to.

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